Death Awareness

Death Awareness comments by the author Carlos Castaneda in a conversation with don Juan Matus, a character in one of his books. 

"A warrior thinks of his death when things become unclear."  

"That's even harder, don Juan. For most people death is very vague and remote.  We never think of it."  

"Why not?"  

"Why should we?"  

"Very simple," he said.  "Because the idea of death is the only thing that tempers our spirit."  

"By the time knowledge becomes a frightening affair the man also realizes that death is the irreplaceable partner that sits next to him on the mat.  Every bit of knowledge that becomes power has death as its central force.  Death lends the ultimate touch, and whatever is touched by death indeed becomes power.  

"A man who follows the paths of sorcery is confronted with imminent annihilation every turn of the way, and unavoidably he becomes keenly aware of his death.  Without the awareness of death he would be only an ordinary man involved in ordinary acts.  He would lack the necessary potency, the necessary concentration that transforms one's ordinary time on earth into magical power.”  

"Thus to be a warrior a man has to be, first of all, and rightfully so, keenly aware of his own death.  But to be concerned with death would force any one of us to focus on the self and that would be debilitating.  So the next thing one needs to be a warrior is detachment.  The idea of imminent death, instead of becoming an obsession, becomes an indifference."  

Don Juan stopped talking and looked at me.  He seemed to be waiting for a comment.  

"Do you understand?" he asked.  

I understood what he had said but I personally could not see how anyone could arrive at a sense of detachment.  I said that from the point of view of my own apprenticeship I had already experienced the moment when knowledge became such a frightening affair.  I could also truthfully say that I no longer found support in the ordinary premises of my daily life.  And I wanted, or perhaps even more than wanted, I needed, to live like a warrior.  

"Now you must detach yourself," he said.  

"From what?"  

"Detach yourself from everything."  

"That's impossible.  I don't want to be a hermit."  

"To be a hermit is an indulgence and I never meant that.  A hermit is not detached, for he willfully abandons himself to being a hermit.  

"Only the idea of death makes a man sufficiently detached so he is incapable of abandoning himself to anything.  Only the idea of death makes a man sufficiently detached so he can't deny himself anything.  A man of that sort, however, does not crave, for he has acquired a silent lust for life and for all things of life.  He knows his death is stalking him and won't give him time to cling to anything, so he tries, without craving, all of everything.  

"A detached man, who knows he has no possibility of fencing off his death, has only one thing to back himself with: the power of his decisions.  He has to be, so to speak, the master of his choices.  He must fully understand that his choice is his responsibility and once he makes it there is no longer time for regrets or recriminations.  His decisions are final, simply because his death does not permit him time to cling to anything.  

"And thus with an awareness of his death, with his detachment, and with the power of his decisions a warrior sets his life in a strategical manner.  The knowledge of his death guides him and makes him detached and silently lusty; the power of his final decisions makes him able to choose without regrets and what he chooses is always strategically the best; and so he performs everything he has to with gusto and lusty efficiency. 

"When a man behaves in such a manner one may rightfully say that he is a warrior and has acquired patience!"  

"When a warrior has acquired patience he is on his way to will.  He knows how to wait.  His death sits with him on his mat, they are friends.  His death advises him, in mysterious ways, how to choose, how to live strategically.  And the warrior waits!  I would say that the warrior learns without any hurry because he knows he is waiting for his will; and one day he succeeds in performing something ordinarily quite impossible to accomplish. 

He may not even notice his extraordinary deed.  But as he keeps on performing impossible acts, or as impossible things keep on happening to him, he becomes aware that a sort of power is emerging.  A power that conies out of his body as he progresses on the path of knowledge.  At first it is like an itching on the belly, or a warm spot that cannot be soothed; then it becomes a pain, a great discomfort.  Sometimes the pain and discomfort are so great that the warrior has convulsions for months, the more severe the convulsions the better for him. A fine power is always heralded by great pain.  

"Death is the only wise adviser that we have.  Whenever you feel, as you always do, that everything is going wrong and you're about to be annihilated, turn to your death and ask if that is so.  Your death will tell you that you're wrong; that nothing really matters outside its touch.  Your death will tell you, "I haven't touched you yet".  

"One of us here has to change, and fast.  One of us here has to learn again that death is the hunter, and that it is always to one's left.  One of us here has to ask death's advice and drop the cursed pettiness that belongs to men that live their lives as if death will never tap them."  

"You, on the other hand, feel that you are immortal, and the decisions of an immortal man can be cancelled or regretted or doubted. In a world where death is the hunter, my friend, there is no time for regrets or doubts.  There is only time for decisions."  

"It doesn't matter what the decision is," he said.  "Nothing could be more or less serious than anything else.  Don't you see?  In a world where death is the hunter there are no small or big decisions.  There are only decisions that we make in the face of our inevitable death."  

"You always feel compelled to explain your acts, as if you were the only man on earth who's wrong," he said.  "It's your old feeling of importance.  You have too much of it; you also have too much personal history.  On the other hand, you don't assume responsibility for your acts; you're not using your death as an adviser, and above all, you are too accessible.  In other words, your life is as messy as it was before I met you."  

"Use it. Focus your attention on the link between you and your death, without remorse or sadness or worrying.  Focus your attention on the fact you don't have time and let your acts flow accordingly.  Let each of your acts be your last battle on earth.  Only under those conditions will your acts have their rightful power.  Otherwise they will be, for as long as you live, the acts of a timid man."  

"What an exquisite omen this is!" he went on.  "And all for you.  Power is showing you that death is the indispensable ingredient in having to believe.  Without the awareness of death everything is ordinary, trivial.  It is only because death is stalking us that the world is an unfathomable mystery.  Power has shown you that.  All I have done myself is to round up the details of the omen, so the direction would be clear to you; but in rounding up the details, I have also shown you that everything I have said to you today is what I have to believe myself, because that is the predilection of my spirit."

To be continued...

Kristopher